Ride-By's

There were a lot of people out riding tonight despite the wind. (The wind sucked, by the way. One of those days where it's easier to ride up the hill because you have the windbreak than it is to ride on the flats or even downhill.) A lot of people out riding apparently equals a few crazies.

A girlfriend and I were out riding on a high traffic road. We were riding a fair pace with the wind at our backs, but certainly not pushing any speed envelopes. I saw another biker coming up behind us as I was staring at the livestock out in the fields and told my friend "Biker back" as we were riding two abreast. I didn't really pay too much attention as he passed us until he had pulled ahead a bit. Then, I turned and looked over at him and my riding partner. He was leering at us. Seriously, full body turned toward us with the most disgusting leer on his face. I don't know how to describe it better than that. My friend had turned towards me and was cringing at me. We slowed the pace way down to let him get far ahead of us, and I almost feel off my bike laughing. The combination of this nasty guy leering at us and my friend cringing was a picture of extremes that I only wish I had a picture of to share with you all.

So, a couple of notes to people out there who ride upon a couple of girls that you perhaps find attractive.

1. Don't leer.
   
2. Wear a jersey. Especially if you have a mat of chest hair that could be better described as a rug over a pot belly. It's not attractive.
   
3. Try starting a conversation. I promise it works out much better to pick up a couple of girls by talking to them versus leering at them. Seriously.
   

Cars

I took my 2 year old car in for its 60,000 mile service the other day.

I got it back to find that someone had reprogrammed all of my radio stations to completely new ones.

Why???

On My Mind

Two funny patient interactions...

• This cute, tattooed, and pleasantly confused older man leans into me and whispers in my ear as I'm walking him to the bathroom, "They put a worm in my penis, and I've been trying all day to get it out." He was referring to his catheter. I smiled, tried not to laugh, and explained what it was and why it was there.
  
• My other cute, demented guy wearing a bright blue trucker cap who pointed at my nose ring as I was asking him orientation questions. "What's that?" he asks, and then fake sneezed 7 times in a row.
  

One staff interaction...

• I had just talked with the charge nurse and care coordinator for clarification for an order I had received. I was walking away when I heard, "Hey, you! Come back here!" I kinda half turned around, wondering who she was talking to like that, only to realize that she was talking to me. First, I've been working here all summer. Second, I have a name. Third, who addresses others like that, especially a colleague in a professional environment??? "Excuse me, but my name is Christina. I would appreciate it if you addressed me that way." And, I walked away.
  

A Stick, A Carrot, and One Check

I rode my bike into town on Friday (ah, a day off...) and ran a bunch of errands.

Yes, I rode my bike to town. Yes, I did my errands on a bike and carried my purchases home on said bike. Yes, a bike can be a viable alternative to your automobile. What's this all about?

The US House of Representatives approved an energy conservation bill that includes, among other things, a tax break of $20 per month for bike commuters, which takes effect at the beginning of next year.

The vote on HR 2776 was largely split along party lines, and was preceded by inspired testimony from Congressman Patrick McHenry, a Republican representing the 10th District in North Carolina.

Here's McHenry, as quoted in the Congressional Record:

A major component of the Democrats' energy legislation and the Democrats' answer to our energy crisis is, hold on, wait one minute, wait one minute, it is promoting the use of the bicycle.

Oh, I cannot make this stuff up. Yes, the American people have heard this. Their answer to our fuel crisis, the crisis at the pumps, is: Ride a bike.

Democrats believe that using taxpayer funds in this bill to the tune of $1 million a year should be devoted to the principle of: "Save energy, ride a bike.'' Some might argue that depending on bicycles to solve our energy crisis is naive, perhaps ridiculous. Some might even say Congress should use this energy legislation to create new energy, bring new nuclear power plants on line, use clean coal technology, energy exploration, but no, no. They want to tell the American people, stop driving, ride a bike. This is absolutely amazing.

Apparently, the Democrats believe that the miracle on two wheels that we know as a bicycle will end our dependence on foreign oil. I cannot make this stuff up. It is absolutely amazing.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the Democrats, promoting 19th century solutions to 21st century problems. If you don't like it, ride a bike. If you don't like the price at the pumps, ride a bike.

Stay tuned for the next big idea for the Democrats: Improving energy efficiency by the horse and buggy.

He's so proud of this that he even posted a video on his website.

So, a stick to Congressman Patrick McHenry and what a shame he's not in my state to vote him straight out of office.

On the other hand, a carrot to all who put together the concert Friday night downtown. It was phenomenal, as it always seems to be when Orquesta de Jazz y Salsa Alto Maiz plays. They're better known as Alto Maiz and they had the entire downtown dancing to the salsa beat. I left after dancing the evening away, grinning ear to ear. What an incredible night. Catch a bit of their music here. Props, kudos, and a big hand to Alto Maiz and all who organized that night.

Then, I wrapped up the weekend with trip to the Iowa State Fair. Did you know that the Iowa State Fair is listed in the book "1000 Places to See Before You Die" and that it's the only Iowa destination and the country's only state fair listed? Hmmm...I had no idea. Not sure what to make of that one.

But, for the mind-boggling and laughing til tears were rolling down our faces quote that came out of this little road trip, I have to share. It's early and my friend and I were heading out for the day when my roommate (who was talking on the phone with her boyfriend) had a strange request. "Jim wants you to take a picture of the world's largest boar penis." Okkkaaaaayyyyyy.

"Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where the world's largest boar penis is? I have to take a picture for my roommate's boyfriend."

Utter Decadence and a Bit More

I've felt spoiled of late. In the past week, I've

• gotten my SLR camera back from repair (It's like having a brand new toy after being without it for months. I love the feel of it, the weight of it in my hands. Oh, the ability to control my images again! Sadly missing in my pocket point and shoot camera. Ahhhh.)
• built up an old pink bike frame as a single speed and tricked it out with blue handlebars, a blue chain, and spokey dokes (Having a combo of friends with ties to the industry in some way or another, I got everything and built it for under 85 bucks! My sweet new commuter bike.)
• bought myself a feather bed. This last one takes the cake for my week of luxurious self-indulgence. I just got tired of my hip bones being rubbed raw every night from sleeping on the foam mattress on my futon. The feather bed has solved that problem, and I've had to drag myself out of bed every morning since.
  

Moving on to my genius (sarcasm, folks) stories for the day...

This news article must win an award for highlighting people's stupidity. It surely made me chuckle in disbelief.

Finally, which would you rather have for your spouse? The one who noticed that her spouse was having a stroke in the morning, went out for breakfast at a local pancake house, and then took him to the emergency room OR the one who stepped over his spouse after she had tripped in the entrance for the store and fallen, breaking her hip, continued shopping and let the store employees and patrons call the ambulance and take her to the hospital?

How Not to Pick Up a Girl...

"You smell good. What is that?"

"That would be my bug spray."